DOUBLE JEOPARDY
A week ago, I was jonzing, awful situation, and I told one of my good friends over
social media that these days were the worst of all. throughout the previous
week I most certainly always woke up hungry,
then just like answers to prayers, I started to get some
food, more food so yeah the hunger went down, days later the Holy month of
Ramadan and the fasting began, so much that all the hateful and spiteful individuals
started being friendly, giving out food, drinks and water to the poor in
exchange for the holiness of the month,
A newlywed couple living down my street decided to jump in
on the bandwagon, and it was more of the husband's behest that the new bride
single-mindedly made a feast in the holy month,
Our neighbourhood liaison and the go-to guy in our
community, Black was as religious as the sun shines. One night I asked Black if
it was possible that during this month, the holy month that he wouldn't be
giving away all the good things in life which for me at that time food in
whatever context or dish.
Or maybe he asked me if I don't mind if he did his good
deeds for the month on me I answered sceptically; certainly who is more worthy
and deserving of his good deeds and his apparent gesture of free will and that I
was interested in his freewill offering and making sure he got all the
blessings of Ramadan the holy month.
All the while this conversation was ongoing, I sat not
along, alongside me was my next-door neighbour "the good doctor" an
excellent friend but a very suspicious fellow nonetheless.
The next day, the first day our liaison Black came over to
perform his good deeds and achieve his holiness for the day, he came forth with
drinks made from the wild's tiger nuts and water from the ice ages and over two
litres of what we soon discovered to be beer, His holiness for that day was now
complete. For some reason, we felt like the world was a better place, more so
now that the month was holy.
There was Nothing holy about my companions, religious was
more of an adjective than it was a state of mind, You would be considered sacred
at that time if you were kind enough to pass the lighter, not to brag but on multiple occasions, the
revered Sainthood was bestowed upon me for rolling up a joint with uncanny finesse
and perfect sense of geometry.
The good doctor always eager to declare me a national
treasure, but he no excellent nor holy. So after a month of the constant supply
of adequate liqueur and only God knows how many sticks of Rothmas Switch Tobacco.
He was simultaneously Sainted and declared a national
treasure for his utter dedications to our ways of life, he was later known as
the moralist of our little community.
When I say "we" I don't mean just me myself, I
also speak about the other companion, the jester and for some reason that I
rather not say the jester had his queen, he was the only analogous being on the
plant at the time of these happenings of the holy month.
Black was not about to miss out on the amount of collectable
holiness, the holy month had to give to the faithful. So much that he came earlier
than the first day and did his good deeds, he hit his joint and got on his way,
he now had joy and happiness plus all the holiness the world had to offer.
The newlyweds finally decided to hitchhike the bandwagon of
giving away and receiving holiness, the husband so eager to prove his
prominence and by all means, announce his arrival once again.
Instructing the new bride(his precious cargo) in a way that
only an unsuspecting man would. Just because the month was holy a feast for the
collection of holiness was planned for our little community.
Only if he understood the well-spoken Hausa adage "Da
banzan Rarwa, ga'ra ba Tashi ba" it was too late by the time he understood
these sayings. The feast was prepared, and Black was in charge of discharging
these bowls that would announce the arrival of the newlyweds.
It was just a matter of time before the feast would reach
our shores, and on this day, Black performed his good deeds, not only his but
that of the newlyweds.
I saw BLACK climb the staircase with a bowl that shies of
9inches by a few centimetres, it was only the second time I would ever come
across such a sight in my life.
The first time was four years ago, people say we remember
things for the impact they have on our lives, sometimes these impacts might be
traumatic to start with,
In a stainless steel 9inch bowl where two well-shaped balls,
at first sight, it was good-looking it was a feast, after all, the balls were
submerged and drowning in a soup I dare not mention, Black told I would be
shocked at how great a cook the new bride was,
Honestly am not putting myself out there like a food
specialist or whatnot. Still, after a lengthy period of longsuffering, I believed
that my life had sunk to the bottom of the abyss.
Four years ago I
rejected such a feast, but this was during the holy month now, who am I to refuse
the free will of the newlyweds seeking holiness.
So after a systematic dissolution of whatever one would call
it, I told my companion the doctor, that suspicious fellow that I hoped the
husband sees what his bride is capable of and for God's sake is this the best
food money can buy? I sha hope that she fucks better than she cooks.
Double Jeopardy is when she can't do better with either.
The good doctor, that suspicious fellow stopped me short and
told me that I was an ingrate, but how can a man who is neither good nor holy
say such things, Ungratefulness would have been my refusal to accept the food,
But in my defence, I did receive the food, and I even
struggled to eat it, to help the newlyweds announce the arrival and collect as
much holiness as possible, Nothing prohibits me from speaking the truth or
lashing out because of the horrors I went through eating that food. WEY NO EVEN
GET MEAT INSIDE...
