DOUBLE JEOPARDY

DOUBLE JEOPARDY

A week ago, I was jonzing, awful situation, and I told one of my good friends over social media that these days were the worst of all. throughout the previous week I most certainly always woke up hungry,

then just like answers to prayers, I started to get some food, more food so yeah the hunger went down, days later the Holy month of Ramadan and the fasting began, so much that all the hateful and spiteful individuals started being friendly, giving out food, drinks and water to the poor in exchange for the holiness of the month,

A newlywed couple living down my street decided to jump in on the bandwagon, and it was more of the husband's behest that the new bride single-mindedly made a feast in the holy month,

Our neighbourhood liaison and the go-to guy in our community, Black was as religious as the sun shines. One night I asked Black if it was possible that during this month, the holy month that he wouldn't be giving away all the good things in life which for me at that time food in whatever context or dish.

Or maybe he asked me if I don't mind if he did his good deeds for the month on me I answered sceptically; certainly who is more worthy and deserving of his good deeds and his apparent gesture of free will and that I was interested in his freewill offering and making sure he got all the blessings of Ramadan the holy month.

All the while this conversation was ongoing, I sat not along, alongside me was my next-door neighbour "the good doctor" an excellent friend but a very suspicious fellow nonetheless.

The next day, the first day our liaison Black came over to perform his good deeds and achieve his holiness for the day, he came forth with drinks made from the wild's tiger nuts and water from the ice ages and over two litres of what we soon discovered to be beer, His holiness for that day was now complete. For some reason, we felt like the world was a better place, more so now that the month was holy.

There was Nothing holy about my companions, religious was more of an adjective than it was a state of mind, You would be considered sacred at that time if you were kind enough to pass the lighter,  not to brag but on multiple occasions, the revered Sainthood was bestowed upon me for rolling up a joint with uncanny finesse and perfect sense of geometry.

The good doctor always eager to declare me a national treasure, but he no excellent nor holy. So after a month of the constant supply of adequate liqueur and only God knows how many sticks of Rothmas Switch Tobacco.

He was simultaneously Sainted and declared a national treasure for his utter dedications to our ways of life, he was later known as the moralist of our little community.

When I say "we" I don't mean just me myself, I also speak about the other companion, the jester and for some reason that I rather not say the jester had his queen, he was the only analogous being on the plant at the time of these happenings of the holy month.

Black was not about to miss out on the amount of collectable holiness, the holy month had to give to the faithful. So much that he came earlier than the first day and did his good deeds, he hit his joint and got on his way, he now had joy and happiness plus all the holiness the world had to offer.

The newlyweds finally decided to hitchhike the bandwagon of giving away and receiving holiness, the husband so eager to prove his prominence and by all means, announce his arrival once again.

Instructing the new bride(his precious cargo) in a way that only an unsuspecting man would. Just because the month was holy a feast for the collection of holiness was planned for our little community.

Only if he understood the well-spoken Hausa adage "Da banzan Rarwa, ga'ra ba Tashi ba" it was too late by the time he understood these sayings. The feast was prepared, and Black was in charge of discharging these bowls that would announce the arrival of the newlyweds.

It was just a matter of time before the feast would reach our shores, and on this day, Black performed his good deeds, not only his but that of the newlyweds.

I saw BLACK climb the staircase with a bowl that shies of 9inches by a few centimetres, it was only the second time I would ever come across such a sight in my life.

The first time was four years ago, people say we remember things for the impact they have on our lives, sometimes these impacts might be traumatic to start with,

In a stainless steel 9inch bowl where two well-shaped balls, at first sight, it was good-looking it was a feast, after all, the balls were submerged and drowning in a soup I dare not mention, Black told I would be shocked at how great a cook the new bride was,

Honestly am not putting myself out there like a food specialist or whatnot. Still, after a lengthy period of longsuffering, I believed that my life had sunk to the bottom of the abyss.

 Four years ago I rejected such a feast, but this was during the holy month now, who am I to refuse the free will of the newlyweds seeking holiness.

So after a systematic dissolution of whatever one would call it, I told my companion the doctor, that suspicious fellow that I hoped the husband sees what his bride is capable of and for God's sake is this the best food money can buy? I sha hope that she fucks better than she cooks.

Double Jeopardy is when she can't do better with either.

The good doctor, that suspicious fellow stopped me short and told me that I was an ingrate, but how can a man who is neither good nor holy say such things, Ungratefulness would have been my refusal to accept the food,

But in my defence, I did receive the food, and I even struggled to eat it, to help the newlyweds announce the arrival and collect as much holiness as possible, Nothing prohibits me from speaking the truth or lashing out because of the horrors I went through eating that food. WEY NO EVEN GET MEAT INSIDE...